Farewell to Nova Scotia - May 4th

Heyo,

Before I start writing at length about my life back on the road, it's important I take the hard time needed to say goodbye to my life back east. It's always something I postpone, as it makes me dig out thoughts that no one in your new home will think to ask.
It's not easy to sum up everything that happened in the last nine months either, but I owe it to all my friends back home.

Halifax.

I came to Hali after a couple of incredible weeks in Vancouver in September of last year. That night at a potluck at Becca's house (The Aerie) I was lucky enough to meet my boss and the wonderful woman who would become one of my greatest supporters in life. Sarah of course didn't know this at the time, so she practically kicked in the front door and demanded to know where all the booze and smokes were. Of course I hastilly add for Sarah's pride, she was right lickered (more so than I have ever seen since), and had just got to say farewell to a cosmic love interest forever. Barring that however, there is no denying one of the most epic drunk moments I have ever had the pleasure to witness, coupled with some group hugs soaked in tears and a very long argument that sounded a lot like this:

Nick: "Sarah, can I crash at your place for the next few weeks while I look for a place?"
Sarah: "Fuck me, another one? I'm just kidding, yeah yeah, you can stay."
Nick:"Awesome, thanks."
Sarah: "Where are you sleeping tonight?
Nick: "The hostel"
Sarah: "Fuck no. No no no. You can crash at my place."
Nick: "No, that's cool. I'm at the hostel."
Sarah: "No way, Fuck. It's scary there. Crash on my couch."
Nick: "No, that's cool. I'll just spend tonight at the hostel."
Sarah: "Fuck you. I'm your boss, you're not staying at the hostel."
Nick: "Ummm. Yah, that's cool. I'm just gonna go sleep at the hostel."
Sarah: "You sonofabitch. Come here, I'll fight you. Fucker. Fuck. Where's all the booze? You said there'd be booze."

(Okay, so the last line wasn't so very true, but the rest certainly was.)

Anyways, now that Sarah will never forgive me for telling an oft-told story of our first, illustrious wine-soaked meeting, I'll move on to the rest of my time.

Corey was one of the first dear friends I made in Hali, which was in tradition with my travelling luck at meeting incredible people with beautiful souls. It was with complete rapture that I roped him into living with me at our now famous domicile, Nimh. Corey, I know by now you have read the letter I left you and understand how much you changed my life. I need say little more to describe that gift than to tell you that just this morning I screamed Your Song by Elton at the top of my lungs walking down Hastings Street. That shit never leaves you. Thank you so much man.

Work at PO continued to be life fulfilling in a way no other job has done for me. The very nature of our task was to spread good and loveliness through the world, and fight off apathy, despair, and misery. Not bad, and made better by my rapid rise in our office that allowed me to throw everything I had at the cause. Through PO I met some of the raddest mofos of my life, and I won't go through the chain of names cause it's lame, but I will single out one man, Nathan Eliot-Doucet, as being the single greatest loser I have ever met in my life. The gift he gave me was that I finally came to terms with how cool I am, and how important it is to never drop your babies on the floor. Yikes.

Ian arrived in November, and although his company was, and continues to be, a balm for my heart, things did not exactly go as planned. The next two months sucked very very hard. And most important I need to apologize with great passion to N and L for putting up with me when I should have been a better man to them. I'm sorry that everything turned out like it did for us, things were weird and dangerous in my head.

Well, anyways, since then life has been exemplary, a beautiful mix of all my life's elements. At home I had Nimh, the single greatest testament to domestic life I have ever seen. A mansion on the 'Gric, bordered by a liquor store and a coffee shop. Sun in, sun out, the days rose and fell with dancing and music. Dinner parties became common, long talks into the night mandatory. The introduction of Clare into my life, no matter how near the end of my time in Halifax, was a gift. If ever I have seen two personalities dangerously akin it would be with her. Ferocious high fives huh Clare?

At the same time Sarah was busy with the little stuff, like patching my family together, getting my life on track, and pushing me to succeed in facilties I had never attempted. I have said, and will a million times, that without her I may still have been the shattered boy from months past. So that's the big stuff, but the thousands of little moments in every day we spent together are what made us friends. Drunken, drunken friends. I owe you a lot, and I miss you far more.

So yah, life was great, got a surprise trip to Newfoundland with Sarah and Nick Lachance right at the end to really make it hard to leave. Man Nick you were amazing that weekend. I have never seen you less worried about life's problems and yet more inflamed with the dynamism of your personality. Just stop sweating the small stuff man, you're like a brother to me.

I don't even know if I'll be back to the east coast in a few weeks, so I'm ready to have egg on my face. But even then I think I'll be mostly up in St. John's, without time to say all this anyway. The east coast is incredible. I had amazing infused into me at countless costume parties, coffee shops, indie rock shows, classy dinner soirees and drunken crawls home. The music of the streets and the music of my house, the songs we all brought in our pockets to dinner and breakfast. Early days lit with battered sun on the rocky shores, late nights of eclipsed moons on citadel hill, these are the hours I lived my fullest.

The gift of travelling is this, the unreal swarm of beauty you are suddenly allowed to notice and thank in every place you find it. The walks in sun dappled streets where you can turn to your friend or yourself and say "wow", and take a deep breath. The freedom to scratch every surface and suck every single inch out of your life. You are allowed to never be content.

The burden is this, a lonely blog entry and a thousand stupid words, when a single pint at Charlie's would say it all. The burden is this, the loneliness and ache as you push away those you have grasped so close, the tears in airports and highways.
This life is not a blessed one, I know now, it has been years on the road for me, and it never gets easier. It is only the promise I have never heard spoken that it can only get better. In the next town, the next face, the future slashed open down the middle, ready to run screaming into. I can only hope this is the right choice, because I have abandoned all too much for one life for this to be wrong.

I move on now through Vancouver, down these sunny green streets, awash in a love I almost forgot I had. I pace waiting for Ian to arrive and complete the perfecta. De and T are watching out for me, and I hope to pull off this trip to Mexico financially. Regardless, life goes on, but not so much seeping, much more so breathing. Deeply.

I love you all. Thank you.

Nick


Cheesy P.S. Notes

Becca, I once answered you by looking into your eyes. Do you remember that? That is what I would say now, and will say to you for the rest of our lives.

Corey, you and I will see each other sooner than we think. Prepare an island for me, I'll bring the tea and the sunrise. I don't know how to tell you how I miss you, so I hope you just get it.

P.P.S. This is how my day went today: