For only $800 dollars a month, plus $100 utilities, plus one plane ticket to London, you receive all the following benefits:
A mattress.
Walls painted yellow.
Occasional Hot Water (1/2 hour heating time excluded).
A washing machine in your kitchen.
Funny lightbulbs.
and, Sixty minutes an hour, twenty-four hours a day, seven whole days a week, ALL-ACCESS NICK.
A steal? A deal? Can this be for real?
You betcha! Now you too can savor the flavor of a shared lifestyle with Nick Kertesz. From the basements of Vancouver, to the run-down mansions of Halifax, from the star-lit lofts of Melbourne, to the llama-lit shacks of Bolivia, lucky folk the world over are crying out:
"Yes. You. Can!" (bring your own towels)
The London job economy is (s)HOT(s)HOT(s)HOT right now, with literally dozens of jobs available in the United Kingdom. As well, you'll experience what the world has already discovered, that the British culture is as sunny as it's climate. From gastronomy to fine dentistry, this is the Britain you've been just thinking about maybe visiting!
Don't let this bedroom pass you by folks, any minute now we'll have to give it away to one of the many, many squatters eager for our tenancy rights.
Besides...
How can you live without this?
Operators are standing by.
5 comments:
A past testimonial: When I first moved in with Nick I was an only child with a developed sense of property. After the first week my room was filled with people and every file on my computer ran in a constant loop of shame for their amusement. It changed my life.
Sincerely,
Matt Eaton
c/o Sunnyvale Sanitarium: Bed Wetting Dept.
Yes, testimonials welcome.
I will say this of the illustrious Matthew Eaton, he was, yes, a man in a stained wife-beater before I met him, but it was not until after that he became a man in a stained wife-beater floating in a kiddy pool of beer.
Another race to the bottom won.
a fine lookin' hoser mi hijo turned out ta be-SNORK!
pops
But, you forgot to mention when Nick gets drunk, he turns into a great Bathroom mat ... no more cold floors!!
The end is coming, and so am I. I hope the cake is still in the freezer.
See you soon my friend.
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